當年今日
關於我們

alwaysonsunday:Adieu!

蘋果日報 2006/02/26 08:00


Thisismylastcolumn,atleastforthemoment.Ihavewrittenregularlyfor18monthsandhaveenjoyedmyself,andhopereadersmightalsohavedoneso,atleastoccasionally.ButIneedtheluxuryofalittlerest.Youreditorhaskindlyagreedtoit.Meanwhile,I'dsaythatithasbeenawonderfuldisciplinetohavetowrite800-1,000wordseveryweekforanewspaper.ItwasofcoursealuxurythatIcouldchoosetowriteonanythingIwanted.SometimesIwroteontopicalsubjects;atothertimes,onmattersaboutwhichIcaredoronwhichIwantedtoventmyfeelings.Strangely,ithadbeenattimestherapeutic:togeteverythingoffone'schest,asitwere.It'stheclosestIfeeltopsycho-analysisoranypsycho-therapywhichispredicatedonforcingoutwhatmightberegardedasrepressed.ButIhaveneverlikedtheseinexactsciences.IhaveneverbeenafanofFreud.IthinkhewasluckytobeinAustriawherelotsofpeople,especiallywomen,ateagreatdealofchocolate,particularlybeforetheywenttobed.Sotheyallhaddreams.Nexttimeyoutryeatingchocolatesbeforeyougotobedandyouwillfindyourdreamsalotmore,alot,lotmorevivid!NowonderFreudwasbombardedbydreamers.Hemusthavebeenaskedtointerpretdreamsdayinanddayout:day-dreamsaswellasnightmares!
OnthiscolumninaChinesenewspaper,IhavefeltprivilegedtohavebeenabletowriteinEnglish.ItallstartedwhenLiuKin-Ming,whowaseditoratthetime,invitedmetocontributetoAppleDaily,believingthatanEnglishpiecewouldencouragemorepeopletoreadinEnglish.IwellremembermyfirstpieceIloveplainEnglish.ButIimmediatelyranintocontroversy.AnotherregularApplecontributor,古德明,beganattackingmyEnglish.Heapparentlythoughtheknewbetter.Hewasrathervitriolicandpompous.ButIamnotsureifheknewanythingoffluency.Weexchangedacidicrejoinders.Intheend,Ijustignoredhimbecausehebegantobesilly,challengingmewithbetsamountingtotensofthousandsofdollars.Mindyou,Ihadfun.Newspapersaregoodwhentheybecomecontroversial,withwritersgivingopposingviewsanddisagreeingwithpassion.Ilookbackonthiscolumnwithfondnessandaffection,andamsadtosayfarewell.
Talkingoffarewells,Icannothelpthinkingaboutthesadnessoffarewells.Needlesstosay,sayingfarewellsamongstloversisalwaysdifficulttobear.RememberRomeoandJuliet?"Goodnight,goodnight!Partingissuchsweetsorrow,ThatIshallsaygoodnighttillitbemorrow",Romeomoaned,famouslynow.Butperhapsthemostpoignantexamplesoffarewellrelatetodeath:sayingfarewelltolife.It'samoribundsubject,butitcanalsobefilledwithpathos.War,whichisperhapstheugliestaspectofhumanexistence,servesasaconstantreminderofwhatutterfollieswecommit,andagainsteachother.Yetwehavestilltolearnnottoresorttoviolence.Weliveinaworldinwhichwarcontinuestobewagedeverysecondandineverycorneroftheglobe.Ourfolliesgostronglymarchingon.Often,theonlysolaceIfindwiththedepravationofwariswithwords.RupertBrooke,himselfavictimoftheFirstWorldWar,wrotebeautifullyaboutthescantityoflife,especiallywithyoungsoldiers.HispoemTheDeadisaverymovingpieceofpoetry.
Theseheartswerewovenofhumanjoysandcares,
Washedmarvellouslywithsorrow,swifttomirth.
Theyearshadgiventhemkindness,Dawnwastheirs,
Andsunset,andthecoloursoftheearth.

Thesehadseenmovement,andheardmusic;known
Slumberandwaking;loved,goneproudlyfriended;
Feltthequickstirofwonder;satalone;
Touchedflowersandfursandcheeks.Allthisisended.

Therearewatersblownbychangingwindstolaughter
Andlitbytherichskys,allday.Andafter,
Frost,withagesture,staysthewavesthatdance
Andwanderingloveliness.Heleavesawhite
Unbrokenglory,agatheredradiance,
Awidth,ashiningpeace,underthenight.

Thesearesombrethoughts.Notonlydotheyimmediatelytouchourhearts,buttheyprovehowpowerfulwordscanbe.Andthat'swhyweallwrite:toexpressourselves.Andeven,orparticularly,indeath,wewanttoclingontothatpreciousbeautyofwords.Butfornow,Iamdyingtogoonholidayfromwords!So,adieu!