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Bags of worry and smelling dilemma|Hari Kumar

蘋果日報 2021/06/19 09:49


As heavens opened up last afternoon and I forgot to take my umbrella, I had no choice but duck into a nearby McDonald’s. It so happened; a friend of mine was also there. She waved me over from her table.
She looked thinner than I remembered, and I wondered if work pressure was telling on her. But then, I remembered that she has a new boss and things were a bit topsy-turvy at the office.
“It was a surprise to see you here,” I said as I sat down. “I thought you were a vegetarian and usually took a salad or something for lunch.”
“I was planning to walk to the salad shop further down, but the rain spoiled the plan. So I thought I would just come here and have a nibble,” she replied. “Just ordered French fries and an apple pie. They are the only vegetarian things they have here.”
“Good idea,” I said. I think I will have ice cream as it is very hot now,” I said and got up to tap my order into the outlet’s touchscreen order taker.
The rain had strengthened, and as I returned to the table, I said: “It is raining cats and dogs now.”
“I don’t like that expression. That is demeaning to those animals. You wouldn’t say it is raining boys and girls, would you?” My words aroused her vegan activism, and she stormed off to get her order.
“But that is just an English expression, not to be taken in its literal sense,” I explained as she returned with her fries and pie.
“Whatever. We should be more respectful to animals, even in our words. But here in Hong Kong, most people revere animals only when they appear on a plate,” she grumbled. “Even if it is a crocodile, they will eat it.”
“I didn’t know they did until I read in the news recently that there is a ban on importing crocodile spareribs from Thailand,” I replied.
“The health experts worry a Covid patient may have got infected from that. Can you imagine the danger if crocodile skin bags also are virus carriers? Then Hong Kong would be in deep trouble. A lot of rich people have one, and almost every high-end mall has shops selling them,” she said in anger.
“That is unlikely as the leather is processed before the bags are made,” I pointed out as I returned with my ice cream cone.
“We should ban all such products and treat animals kindly,” she said, an issue which was clearly dear to her heart.
“I agree animals should be treated with kindness,” I agreed.
“I say leave those wild animals alone. Considering, especially, there have been cases of coronavirus in some zoo animals,” she was certainly upset and bit furiously into the apple pie. “I am sure we humans gave it to them.”
“The zoos and places like Ocean Park are closed now. So I think it is safe for now,” I said.
“Not just in zoos. Didn’t you read about those poor elephants on the mainland emigrating, walking hundreds of kilometers to find new habitats? Just like human beings,” she said.
“I can see the parallels,” I replied and focused on my ice cream without adding anything more as I knew going into that subject would stir her up more.
“What I am worried about is that Covid is spread through the nasal passage, and those elephants would be in trouble as they have the longest nose on this planet,” she sounded worried.
Don’t worry; animals can smell trouble a long way. They will be alright,” I tried to assure her.
“Their ability to smell is what worrying me as some people say we can use dogs to detect Covid,” she sounded genuinely worried. “How can they make sure they won’t catch the bug?”
“I never thought of that,” I admitted.
“Moreover, these dogs trained to sniff out Covid would go after the smell, and that could be more trouble,” she said.
“Why is that?” I asked.
“Because asymptomatic people shed the virus through other orifices too. You don’t want these dogs running around sniffing at everyone’s bottom, do you?” She asked.
“That would be a bummer,” I didn’t think of that danger.
She had finished her meal by then, and when she got up to go, I asked: “How are things at your office now? Settling down after the recent changes?”
“It is a circus there now with plenty of clowns and animals,” she grunted. “Anyway, time for me to get back to the tent,” she said and ran out as the rain had stopped.
Watching her disappear into the street, I wondered if it was her constant interaction with such office mates that turned her into an animal rights activist.
(A fictional satire written by Hari Kumar, who is a journalist based in Hong Kong.)
Hari Kumar’s article can be found in our Columnist section.
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