Helpful uncles and lucky winners | Hari Kumar
Getting mud on your face was a disgrace in the olden days. At least Freddie Mercury used to say so.
But things have changed, and it was with a bit of startle that I discovered this after my daughter had posted her picture with black mud spread over her face in the family WhatsApp group to show others her latest skin treatment discovery.
Apparently, it helps her skin glow, though the immediate effect was somewhat the opposite. As she explained the process, I thought it was a good time to ask about a subject that created some friction between the two ladies in the house.
“Are you preparing for something, like a job interview or something?” I asked her after listening to her explanation about how radiant she will be looking soon.
“Nah, don’t you start. I am so tired of hearing it from mummy all the time,” she warned. “Everyone is after me to get a job.”
“I think it is natural as you grow up,” I answered.
“I don’t believe in this,” she declared. “Now they are trying to bribe me into getting one.”
“Bribe you? You should report them to the ICAC then,” I replied.
“Not like that. They are promising valuable gifts and treats if I get a job,” my daughter said. “Yesterday, our aunt in Europe sent me a message that she will give me one of her priced watches when I start working.”
“Probably she wants to get rid of some of her old ones,” she added sarcastically.
“Don’t say that. Your aunt is just showing kindness,” I said, but all I got was half snort of disgust from her.
“Now, all the relatives are joining in! Yesterday, the uncle who lives in The Peak messaged me too. He promised me a car. But only to drive him around, and I can’t take it anywhere else,” she said.
“He offered you a car?” That was news to me.
“Sounds great, right?” She said. “But the car is actually for his use. His idea, I guess, was to get a driver virtually free for his moving around.”
“But you still get a car,” I said, wondering if she is going to downgrade her liking for her favourite uncle too.
“Yeah, but it would have been good if he gave me the car without any strings attached. He has several cars, and he can afford to give me one if he loves me as much as he says,” she complained.
“Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth,” I said, trying to be a bit philosophical here.
“That reminds me. The horse-owner cousin of yours has also joined the race now,” she said, referring to a flashy relative of mine who has made a fortune as a financial consultant. “He says he will rent me a luxury hotel suite for a year if my office is far away and I have to move from here. I am sure he is using his acquired air miles which he can’t spend before expiry.”
“He is a bit careful when it comes to money,” I agreed. “Unlike his sister in the shipping business,” I added. “She is a generous person.”
“Generous?” She said in a mocking tone. “She told me she would send me on a cruise if I get a job. She knows very well no cruise is going to take place for months.”
“Well, it is a holiday you will enjoy whenever it comes,” I replied, trying to show her the positive side of it.
“Like the cruise to nowhere?” She shot back. “If all these people care, why didn’t they do it before, when I was studying? I was struggling then, even to buy Manga comics as you wouldn’t give me enough pocket money,” she repeated her pet peeve against me.
Well, don’t you think it would be easier to buy things you want if you get a job?” I chipped in.
“I know. But I want to wait for some time and see if there will be better jobs instead of taking anything available now,” she said with finality.
I decided not to broach the subject further as pushing her to get a job could only make her more stubborn.
After a brief silence, she said: “If I get a job, maybe I will fix my ear first.”
I was not sure if I heard her right as I was not aware she had a hearing problem. “You have difficulty in hearing?” I asked, alarmed.
“No hearing problem,” she said. “But the shape of my ears looks bad. I want to get the “elf ear”. That would make me look younger. See this?” She showed me a picture of a model who claims she looks better after a cosmetic surgery that made her ears more visible.
“Looks the same to me,” I said in a dismissive tone, signalling my disproval.
That ended the conversation. She left in a huff, leaving me wondering when people will realise they are lucky winners to have a normal and everyday life. But some still needed to be offered bounties even to get a job.
(A fictional satire written by Hari Kumar, who is a journalist based in Hong Kong.)
Hari Kumar’s article can be found in our
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